Assumptions
by thegreatbluespoon
Summary: No, not Grissom! Greg proposes and idea that might not be too far fetched when you think about it... GSR eventually, because where would the world be without it?
1. Reasoning

**Disclaimer:** You know that song "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth"? – Pure bull. All I want is CSI - I don't own it, so don't sue _me,_ you crazy jackass!

**A/N: **Oh, totally forgot- this is before Grissom decided it was okay to get busy with Sara…-super evil hahahaha- to all you other shippers (I'm sorry, it had to be done. I'll kick my own ass later.)

* * *

"Greg, that…honestly, I…I, Christ, Greg, I don't even know what the hell to say to that," Catherine sighed. 

"I completely agree, Greg, that's, well, it's...it's just…off." Nick supplied, shaking his head.

"I don't know, guys; I think he might have a point. Look at her," Warrick said as he pointed at Sara walking down the hall towards them in the break room. "She sure as hell ain't ugly. She sure as hell doesn't hide the way she feels about the guy. He turns her down every time she makes a move. I really think Greg has a point."

"Seriously, I just don't see it." Catherine sighed louder as Sara entered the room and headed to the coffee pot.

"Don't see what, Cath?" Sara asked, pouring herself a cup.

"Greg here seems to think…that…Grissom is…"she started laughing. "I just can't say it!"

Greg cut in, "I think Grissom is gay."

Sara dropped her cup and everyone broke out laughing, including Sara. "Oh, my God, Greg! Why the hell would you say that?!" she asked through laughter induced tears.

"You," Greg said while helping her clean up her coffee. It was his fault she dropped it, after all.

"_I_ made him gay?"

"I don't think that's what he meant, Sar," Nick said.

"No, that wasn't what I meant. What I _did_ mean was that you like him and he never made a move. That damn well outta be proof enough for any man." At Sara's raised eyebrow Greg added, "Jesus, Sara, look at you! You're hot! Legs for days, your hair, dear God woman, don't let me get started on your eyes. Oh, and that ass!"

"Down, Greg!" she said while moving away from him. "Nick, you want to take care of my light work for me?" she smiled and Nick moved towards Greg who immediately sat down.

Catherine spoke up first, "With the exception of Sara, I have known that man longer than any of you. I have _never _seen any…homosexual…tendencies from him. He always checks out the ladies. There was a case where we were backstage at a show; I had to tell him to shut his mouth. The man was gawking. A gay man doesn't gawk at the ladies, Greg."

"He does, however, Catherine, gawk at their shoes, hair and outfits," Greg added.

"So we are now at two points for Greg and no points Catherine. We need to write this down." Warrick did just that. He stole Nick's paper that he was using for a quickie paper airplane and made two columns, one for Greg and one for Catherine. He made the appropriate marks and they went back to the debate.

"Two points, my ass, Greg! What about Lady Heather?"

Sara cut in, "As much as I really don't like this one, I have to give it to Catherine. Greg, the man _did_ go to a sexy dominatrix house. That right there kinda bitch-slaps your gay theory all over the room don't you think?"

"Greg, Cath and Sara both have a point. It was a dominatrix _lady_. We all saw him and Heather. He was hittin' that," Warrick said.

Before Greg could say anything, Nick cut in, "You three do realize that the rumors about Grissom going to Lady Heather's only started _after_ the case where we found the _male_ escorts?"

"YES, Nick!" Greg yelled and high-fived him. "Suck on that one, guys. Warrick, where's my point?"

Warrick looked at Sara and Catherine who both sighed and nodded in defeat. They both knew that Nick had a damn good point. There were no rumors about Grissom and Heather pre-dude discovery, so chalk one up for the gay theory.

"Great so now it's three to zip. Sara, where the hell is my help?!" Catherine nearly yelled.

"Don't take this out on me! I'm the one whose been trying to get the idiot out of his microscope for the last ten years that I've known him. Sorry if that's damaging to your case!"

"Oh, I've got it! Greg, what about Terri Miller? Date! They went on a date! Judy saw them, call her in here!"

"Why would I have her number?" he asked innocently.

Nick hit him. "This isn't about your love life right now. This is about Sara pining away for our possibly man-loving boss. Call your girlfriend and get her ass in here now, Greggie poo!"

Greg complied and three minutes later Judy appeared in the break room doorway. "Grissom isn't in here with an experiment waiting for me is he?" she asked nervously before stepping in all the way.

"No, Judy, he isn't. Don't worry," Sara said.

"Actually, I don't think he's even in the building today," Catherine reassured her.

"Probably loving up some guy somewhere," Greg said under his breath.

"What, Greg?" Judy asked.

"Oh, nothing, my sweet. Now, about why we called you away from your desk…"

Nick cut in, "We have some questions for you and we really need for you to answer them. Okay?"

"Okay," she replied nervously as she sat down next to Greg and Warrick.

"Warrick, what is that?" she asked pointing towards the tally sheet.

"Huh? This? This here is not a damn thing, that's what this is," he said quickly and slid it to Catherine.

"Um, okay then," she smiled. '_What is wrong with these people? Am I the only normal one in the room?'_ Judy thought to herself as she looked around the table and saw Nick, Greg, Warrick, Sara and Catherine all looking at her very oddly with huge, expectant grins on their faces.

"What are your questions?" she asked.

"Oh, right, the questions!" Sara looked at Nick as if to deem him the mediator of the group.

Seeing and hearing no objections, Nick accepted and began. "Okay, a while ago, as we understand it," he said while motioning around the table. "you were out on a date and, it just so happened that you spotted Grissom and a friend of his."

"_Lady_ friend," Catherine cut in while giving a devious smile to Sara who gladly returned it.

"Um, well it was quite a while ago, but yes, yes I remember that," Judy replied.

Nick continued, "And while observing Grissom and his _friend_ did it seem as though… they might have been on a date?" he said in a doubting voice.

"Oh, yes…they were leaning on the table and everything. Very close, indeed," Judy said while nodding.

Though it didn't exactly make Sara happy to hear that Grissom had been on a date with someone, it was rather enlightening to hear that the date had, in fact, been with a woman. She smiled at Catherine who held one finger up to Warrick, Greg and Nick, and it was not the usual finger one would use to indicate a scored point.

Nick gave Catherine a little nod that indicated his 'appreciation' of the gesture and continued. "What do you mean close?"

"Well, I thought they were going to hold hands."

Sara raised her eyebrows at this and looked like she wanted to throw something at…well, whoever happened to be walking past the room at the moment. Heaven forbid it be a little old lady or something because Sara wouldn't be in the mood to fake sorrow for the ol' bat. "Hold hands?"

Warrick saw this look and cut in "But they didn't, right?"

"No. He got a phone call. A page might have come first, I don't remember. I wasn't exactly there for his date, you know." She smiled at Greg, "Sorry."

"It's cool. It's not like I haven't dated other people before." He shrugged.

"Anyway, Judy, what happened after that?"

"Well, you could tell he was embarrassed that he was being called on their date."

"Why? How could you tell?"

"He was bright red and a little ticked. He wasn't exactly quiet when he sighed either."

"When he sighed? We all sigh when we get pissed," Warrick said, not meaning to help Catherine and Sara out.

Judy started again, "Sure we all do, but do all of our dates get up and leave us because of our phone calls?"

"Oh, snap!" yelled Warrick. "Our boy got dissed!" he started laughing.

Nick turned to Judy and smiled. "Thank you, Judy, you can go back up front now."

"You're quite welcome. Thanks for not using me in some creepy experiment." She smiled back and walked away.

"Grissom got dumped by Terri Miller." Sara smiled and leaned back in her chair, "_That _is seriously funny."

"Your man got dumped and you think its funny?" Nick asked.

"Grissom isn't Sara's man Nick…he's _gay_," Greg alleged while reaching over and grabbing the tally sheet from Catherine and waiving it at him.

Suddenly, the dim light bulb in Catherine's head got a power surge. "What about Holly Gribbs?"

"Grissom hit that?" Warrick asked with wide eyes.

"Mark one for Catherine," Nick said.

"No, you idiots. When all of that went down, the first person he called was Sara," she said while pointing at her. "He never once said anything about her to any of us. All he said was that he trusted her immensely, blah, blah, blah."

"How does that prove he isn't gay?" Greg asked.

"Look at her! You said it yourself, Greg. 'Legs for days.' There had to have been a hundred male students at that boring ass lecture for that man to stare at and 'trust'. If he was gay, then why in the hell did he go for her?"

"Oh," was the understanding sound that came from all three of the guys.

"I refuse to believe that Gil Grissom is gay," Sara sighed.

"Sara, just because you like the guy, it doesn't make it any less true."

"You three haven't even proved that he's gay in the first place," she countered.

"You haven't proved that he is NOT gay. Ha!" Nick laughed.

"Sofia," Sara stated simply.

"What about her?" Warrick asked.

Catherine stepped in, "Oh, come on! You're going to tell me that you never noticed _that_? The woman glued his friggin' bowtie! There was something going on there. They even went to dinner together."

"I have a question. A serious one this time," Greg said.

"Ask away, Greg." Sara allowed Greg free will around her sometimes.

"Did Grissom ever take _you _on a date?"

"No, he never did," she sighed.

"Why not? I mean, if he went out with Sofia and Terri, and possibly got a little from Heather, then why not you?"

Nick saw that the question was upsetting Sara a little and decided use that moment to help score some points for his side of the argument. "Maybe by the time Sara's date came around, Grissom had already realized he liked the guys!"

"Dude lover!" Greg yelled and Warrick high-fived him.

"Would you three have a problem with him if he was seriously gay?" Catherine asked, and at the wrong time too because it was apparently time for anyone else around the lab that needed a break to do so. This conversation just got a little less exclusive.

* * *

Well, I was going to just write on and on but I have things to do, people to piss off...you know, the usual. You know by now that I can't end a chapter to save my life so sorry about this! Anywho, this story wasn't even planned so I don't know when the next chapter will be up, but I hope you stick around! 

Reviews are also better than two front teeth!

thegreatbluespoon----is proposing the postponement of Christmas until I get snow in Illinois!


	2. Bets

**A/N: **Rosie, check it out! It's your late Christmas present—Archie! Jordan, your little golden nugget of Christmas joy is further down. When you see it, you'll know! Hope you like! Em, If I _ever _get snow, I'll mail you some. (Doubt it'll work, but it's the thought, right?!) To the rest of you readers, this story has not a damn thing to do with the baby Jesus or presents, but I hope your holiday was great, nonetheless! This would have been up before Christmas, but someone –cough- Jordan, didn't get some info back to me in time, so blame her.

* * *

"Holy hell, who's gay?" 

"C'mon, Bobby, it's obvious! Greg, everyone will be _so_ proud that you finally decided to come out this year!" Hodges said, patting him on the shoulder before heading over to the coffee pot.

Archie cut in, "Hodges, shut up. If everyone expects Greg to be the gay one in the lab, then why is there a pool on when _you_ decide to come out?"

"What?"

"Oh, Archie, come on now. Hodges is the straightest guy any of us know," Sara said mockingly.

"Ease up on the sarcasm, Sidle," Hodges bit back.

"Well, sarcasm beats killing people, Hodges." She smiled falsely

"Enough of the giggles, you two." Bobby said as he poured Archie, Hodges and himself some coffee. "Where the hell are all of the coffee stirrers at?" he muttered.

"What?"

"Nothin…who were you guys all talkin about when we came in here?" he nearly begged.

"No idea what you're talking about."

"Oh, come on now. Who is it? Who's gay?"

Greg looked at Nick, Warrick, Catherine and Sara for permission to voice his opinion and when Catherine nodded her approval, he dropped the G-bomb.

"Grissom." he said proudly.

Three more broken coffee cups, coffee scalded coworkers and unbelieving faces created by Greg's fantastically whacked little speculation that Gil Grissom- boss, mentor, and friend- was as gay as a box full of fluffy baby kittens on a sun-shiny day found by a Broadway singing redheaded orphan child that had just been newly adopted by a boat load of soaking wet sailors on shore leave in San Francisco during Gay Pride Week.

After they cleaned up their mess, the three newcomers to the gay conversation walked over to the table to take their seats.

"Greg, can you please tell me just _what_ is goin' on inside that little world of yours, boy?" Bobby asked as he tapped him on the head.

"Is there seriously a pool going about me being gay? Because I'm not," Hodges said, but no one paid attention to him.

"Warrick, show him the paper," Nick said.

Warrick took the tally sheet from Greg and showed it to Bobby, Archie and Hodges.

"Greg is apparently winning, but what's he winning?" Archie asked.

"And why is he winning over Catherine?" Bobby added.

"I'm not gay!"

"Shut up, Hodges!" Nick yelled.

"Is there seriously a pool? No, you're just messing with me. Right?"

"I've got twenty that says you are one hundred percent man loving material, Hodges."

"Thirty."

"Twenty-five."

"I got twenty here too."

"Fifty says you're gay," Sara said proudly that she'd bet the most.

"I'm _not_ gay!" he protested.

"Hey, man, if it makes you feel any better, Hodges, I've got ten that says you're straight." Nick said.

"Well, thank you, Nick. That does make me feel better," Hodges smiled.

"Really? Well, it shouldn't. The only reason Nick went with straight was because all of the gay squares were taken!" Greg laughed and was quickly joined by everyone but Hodges.

"Ease up, Hodges. No one cares if you're gay!"

"You guys seriously need to explain this whole tally sheet thing to us," Archie said. "Why does Greg have three points and Catherine… well, Catherine doesn't have any?"

"What? I don't have any?!" Catherine yelled as she snagged the paper from Archie "Warrick, what about my last thought? Why the hell didn't you write that down? Your ass better write that down!"

"I take it Catherine says he isn't gay?" Bobby asked.

"And I agree," Sara added.

"What was her last point?" Hodges asked.

"The Holly Gribbs thing."

"Grissom slept with Holly?!"

"Give her the point man!"

"Hell, give her two!"

"Oh, man, Catherine. I think they are _actually _all retarded," Sara laughed.

"As I said before, no, you idiots. I know you three," indicating Bobby, Archie and Hodges, "weren't around for that whole fiasco, but Sara here caused quite a little bitch-fit with the higher ups."

Receiving nothing but confused looks, Catherine continued. "Warrick messed up big time and was supposed to be investigated, fired, yadda yadda. So we're all thinking that one of us is doing it, maybe Grissom himself or just someone from another shift. Hell no, he goes outside of the lab without saying a word to anyone. One day Holly is gone and the next day Miss Thing is here. He never told us he was bringing her. All he could talk about to me after she got here though, was her."

"Really?" Sara interrupted with a smile.

"Yeah. So my point is, if Grissom is gay, then why is she here instead of some hot little piece of man meat for Grissom to stare at? He _had_ to know she had feelings for him when he brought her here. I mean, sure the man _is_ far short of being emotionally and socially gifted, but he isn't blind."

And at that, Warrick took the tally sheet and gave Catherine her point.

"So what are Greg's points for?"

"Dominatrix house _after_ we learned about the male escorts, something about being date ditched by Terri Miller and then we have Sara here."

"What about her?" Archie asked.

"What about her?!" Greg screeched as he got out of his chair and made his way to Sara. He pulled he out of his chair and pointed at her like a museum display. "What about her? Are _you _gay? He never, _ever_ made an effort! How is that not incriminating? She's hot, smart, amazing, funny, smells like lavender and vanilla, her laugh can fix the worst days, she's…hot. If he's not gay, then at the very least Grissom is the most unappreciative, ignorant man on the face of the Earth._ I_ see it, I know _you_ see it. He _has_ to!" He went back and sat down, leaving a blushing Sara to take her seat again as well.

"Someone likes Sara," Hodges said in a singsongy voice like he had just discovered some thousand year old secret.

"No shit!" came from the rest of the group.

"Whatever. Why don't you just go ask the man if he's gay, Greg?" was Hodges' response.

Everyone just kind of looked at Hodges like how you look at that unidentifiable gunk on the bottom of your shoe. Ask Gil Grissom- keeper of secrets deep and dark enough to shame the Pentagon- if he was gay? They burst into laughter and tears while pointing at Hodges and asking if he was serious.

"Yes, of course I am. Unless you want to stalk him, which I am _totally_ game for by the way, how else are we going to find out if he's gay or not?"

They slowly stopped laughing at him. Holy crap, _Hodges_ was right. Short of stalking the man, no one else could think of anything else.

"Well, go ask him, Hodges," Nick ordered.

"Oh, no! I don't even think so. My idea, not my plan. The rest is on you guys."

"Simple, we'll draw for it," Bobby said.

"I'll get straws," Archie said as he went for coffee stirrers.

"We're out, remember?"

Sara looked to Warrick and asked, "Warrick, do you still have those cards we were playing with the other day?"

"Yeah, Sara. I think they're in my locker, I'll go get 'em."

"No need. I've got some," Greg said.

"You do?" Catherine asked unbelievingly.

"Um, yeah." Greg snorted, pulling the deck out and waiving them at her.

"You just randomly carry around a deck of cards in your back pocket?"

"Yeah, I'm easily bored." He threw the deck on the table.

"Archie did you give him those?"

"What, because I'm Asian?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"They're Asian porn star cards," Sara said pointing to the cards.

"Yeah?" all of the guys, including the self proclaimed non-gay Hodges said.

"Ew." Came from Catherine and Sara.

"What are you two, the playing card Nazi's?"

"No," Sara said. "Just…do we need gloves to draw or…"

"No, of course not. Judy just bought these for me last week," Greg smirked.

"Nice." Bobby high-fived him.

"She doesn't mind the fact that I've got the Yellow Fever."

That earned him a high five from Archie.

"Alright, Playboy, aces high or low?" Catherine asked.

"Um, high I guess?" he looked around the table.

"Fine with me," Nick said.

"High's great," Warrick agreed.

"Let's just freaking draw already," Sara demanded.

Greg shuffled the deck and everyone reached in for their cards. Hodges was thrilled with his B-list two of hearts. Bobby and Nick both managed to dig a seven out of the pile. Archie gladly settled for a beauty named 'Killer' on his ten. Warrick and Catherine were both scared as hell when Jacks ended up in their hands, but when they saw that Greg and Sara had yet to lay down their cards, breathing got easier.

"You first, Sara," Greg said.

"They're your cards, Peeping Tom, you first."

"Please Sara," he begged.

"Oh, would someone just lay down a damn card?!" Hodges yelled. Everyone was dying to see who was going to ask. As a matter of fact, they were so caught up in the cards, they had all failed to notice that Grissom was now in the building.

"Greg!" Sara demanded.

"Fine!" he slowly placed the card on the table with both of his eyes closed as if that would make the value of his card go down.

Sara leaned across the table to get a look at the card. Once she saw the 'K' on the corner, she wanted to just die. She knew that the best she possibly could have hoped for was that Greg had an ace as well and that there would be a re-draw. Hell no, why would luck choose today to grace the presence of Sara Sidle? She sighed, dropped her card and fell back in her seat. '_What kind of lame ass porn name in 'Jersey' anyway?'_

Greg reached over and snagged hers up. "Yes! Yes! Oh, my God! Yes! Ace! It's Jersey too!" he yelled, showing the card of Sara's downfall to everyone. "She's my _favorite_! Judy says that my obsession is unhealthy, but _whatever_! Yes, Jersey, you hot little piece of Asia!"

"Oh, my God," Sara sighed. She now had to ask Grissom if he was gay. Remember the reaction to the date question? Yeah, well now she gets to go and question the man's sexuality. Oh, how she was looking forward to this…

"So how are you going to ask?"

"Well, Bobby, how does 'So, Grissom, you like guys?' sound?"

Nick laughed, "Maybe you should lead into the question, Sara."

"I'll figure it out," she sighed

"Twenty bucks says you'll chicken out," Archie said.

"Oh, I'm in on that! Twenty for me too," Bobby said.

"Twenty five."

"Fifty," Hodges said with revenge in his eyes.

"Hey, what the hell? I'm gonna ask!" Sara yelled.

Maybe they should start paying attention to what's going on around them because -incoming Grissom!

"How though?"

"I'll just sit Grissom down and ask I guess. I need to ask him." She shrugged.

"What are you asking me?" Grissom asked as he entered.

No answer from Sara, she was frozen. No answer from Greg, Archie or Bobby since they were cleaning up, apparently, the best Asia had to offer. Warrick was getting rid of the tally sheet and Catherine and Nick had struck up a fake ass conversation to appear busy. This left Hodges to aide Sara, but he's a professional kiss-ass so he had this covered. Right?

If you do recall, Sara had bet the most money on Hodges being gay and, in revenge, Hodges had just bet the most on Sara wussing out on asking Grissom. Why not secure that bet and screw Sara over right when a pristine opportunity presented itself?

Hodges jumped at the chance. "Something that couldn't wait was all she would tell us. Important, right, Sara?" he asked looking right at her with a smirk.

"Not too important, Hodges, no. It can wait, Griss. Don't worry," she said, mentally drawing a target on Hodges' throat.

Grissom didn't want to wait though. If Sara wanted to ask him something in private, then dammit, privacy was what she was going to get. Ever since he had turned her down when she asked him out, he had been waiting for another chance, anther time where she would ask him out. He was too afraid to do it himself, so she was going to need to do it first. Could this finally be it? Could this finally be the day that Sara gives him his second chance? Well, if it is that day, the word 'no' was the last on his mind. 'Yes' was the only one there.

"Sara?"

"Yes, Grissom?" she sighed through a false smile.

"Would you like to go to my office and talk?"

"Why not?" she said and put her hand in the air for emphasis. "It cant really wait, so we better go. Right, Hodges?" Oh, if looks could kill.

"I'll meet you there, I've got a couple of stops to make first…" and he left the room.

Sara turned to Hodges who instantly stopped grinning. "I'll give you to the count of five."

"Oh, come on now," he said.

"One."

"Sara?"

"Two."

"Hodges, you should…" Nick said, pointing to the door.

"Three." Sara stepped closer to him.

"It was a joke."

"Four."

He took off out the door running.

"Five." And Sara was out the door after him. Grissom could wait.

* * *

Well…you like? I sure as hell hope so! 

Click the button people, don't make me hunt you down…

thegreatbluespoon---Well, postponing Christmas didn't work, we still had it. Apparently though when I asked for snow, what I actually asked for was rain. That's all we got in Illinois. So I didn't get my white Christmas, but I still want snow. If I don't get it when I ask for it, then maybe if I ask for flaming balls of pain from the sky I will. We'll try that out.


	3. Can I get a conversation in?

Look, it's chapter three…you all want to stop yelling at me now!? You guys get downright pissy when you have to wait, did you know that? Really…a couple of you nearly had me in the fetal position, sucking my thumb and bawling in the corner of my room.

Anyway, I was watching 'Time of Your Death' …in the end scene, does Greg remind anyone else of Clark Griswald from some National Lampoons movies? Anyboby? Somebody? Nobody? Crap, it was just me? Okay.

Oh, one last thing and I promise to shut it…watched a movie the other night and fell absolutely in freaking love with it. It's called **Shopgirl**. It's from '05 with Steve Martin and Claire Danes in it, and I demand, yes demand, that you rent, buy, borrow, download, steal, whatever, this movie because it _screams_ Grissom and Sara to me. Why? Well, do what I just said and you shall find out.

* * *

"She's gonna beat Hodges' ass." Warrick laughed.

"I'll help put in for her bail. He totally called her out in front of Grissom. I'd beat his ass too," Catherine said.

"She's got to ask him. She said she would, we all agreed."

"Aces high man. Greg, you better hide those cards. I have a feeling she might want to burn them," Archie said.

Greg clutched the cards to his chest. "Not my babies!" he screamed.

"Your babies?" Bobby laughed.

"I _so_ lied before. Judy totally gets freaked out by my Asian obsession. If Sara burns these, my last shot at foreign happiness, I'm done for." He thought for a minute. "I'll be really nice to her, she won't burn them then."

"If she does, I'll buy you some more," Archie volunteered.

"Now that is a good friend!" Greg said, giving Bobby the evil-eye.

"Greg, just because I wouldn't introduce you to my cousin, doesn't mean we aren't friends!" Bobby yelled.

"But she really is a porn star!"

"You have got to be kidding me." Catherine sighed, "Can we get back on track please?"

"Well, it's been twenty minutes and no police have gone busting ass by…so Hodges isn't dead," Warrick stated.

"Or he hasn't been found anyway."

"We all need to get back to work. Avoid Grissom's office for another ten minutes at least. Half an hour should be plenty of time for her to get in and out," Catherine reasoned.

"Maybe the end of shift would have been smarter."

"Probably."

"She needed to ask."

"Don't you boys think it was kind of mean?"

"Asking if he was gay?"

"Hell no, not that! I want to know that just as much as you all do. I meant sending Sara to ask him."

"You mean like rubbing salt in the wound kind of thing?" Nick asked.

"Yeah Nick. It's like… well, it's like giving you an ant farm. It's _mean_. She didn't need it."

"But she got it so let's go back to work and wait it out."

"Bobby's right. Let's go back to work. Fun, fun," Greg said.

"Don't forget to hide your babies, Greg!" someone yelled back as they all headed out of the break room and back to work.

--

After finally catching Hodges in the locker room and drawing an amount of blood from his nose that she deemed sufficient, Sara slowly began to make her way to Grissom's office. She couldn't, no matter how much she really, _really_ wanted to, just back out now. She wasn't going to let the, now bleeding, jackass Hodges win a bet against her.

She walked slower now, almost not at all. She was biding her time. Don't rush her, you asshole! Wouldn't you take your time? If some chick doling out a kidney shot on a playing card just lead to you having to go ask your **boss**, someone you have been in love with for years, if they were gay, wouldn't you be taking you sweet and precious time as well?

She thought back to what Bobby had asked. How _was_ she going to ask Grissom?

'_So you're fifty, ever gonna get married? Are gay marriages even allowed in Vegas?'_

'_Never date me because there's no junk between my legs?'_

Or should she just go with her original _'So, Grissom, you like guys?' _Well, simplicity _is_ nice.

She just laughed at herself. Goddamn Greg and his stupid porn stars. Why weren't aces low? Goddamn aces. Damn Greg and damn his ignorant cards. '_I'm going to burn those things.'_

Shit! Now she was at Grissom's door. How the hell did she get there? It was open and he was running a nervous hand through his hair while staring at his desk. Things like this were nearly her undoing at the office and now that she had heard everyone's points on him being gay, she felt like an idiot for feeling the way she did about him. '_Give a crap if he's gay, he's still hot.'_

What if Greg and the boys were right? What if Grissom really did like guys? What does that say about her? Great, she's _so_ damaged that she doesn't even have proper gaydar. What the hell is that about?!

--

To say that Grissom was freaking the hell out when he left the break room would have been a very proper term.

"_I'll meet you there, I've got a couple of stops to make first…"_ –liar

The couple of things he had to do? Call Brass for advice and make it to his office without hyperventilating like a twelve year old geek that just got asked to the school dance by the hottest girl in school.

"Jim, it's Gil. Are you near the lab? Here? Why? Goats? Never mind. My office now. Hurry."

-Freaking the hell out-

When Brass got to Grissom's office, worried that someone had died or something, he was pissed to see him primping in the mirror.

"What the hell, Gil?"

"Shut the door, Jim. I only have a couple minutes until she gets here and I don't want to ruin anything."

"'Jim, here, hurry.' I repeat-what the hell, Gil? I thought someone died."

"I'm serious, Jim!" he said checking his hair.

"Easy, Casanova. Who is 'she' and why are you flipping out?"

"Sara."

"Ah, of course it's a Sara thing," he nodded. "And the worrisome bit?"

"I think she's going to ask me out again," he said fixing his hair again.

"What you've been waiting for. What are you basing this off of?"

"I went into the break room and everyone was sitting around talking. Sara said that she was just going to sit me down and ask me."

"And of course that means a date," Brass said sarcastically. "Anything else?"

"Oh, and that it was important and couldn't wait." He went to fix his hair again but Brass stopped him.

"Alright, Miss America, enough with the damn hair!"

"Sorry," Grissom said and relinquished the mirror to him.

"Gil, if she's on here way in here, then why the hell did you call me?"

"I don't know what to do!"

"Obviously the _complete_ opposite of what your dumbass did the last time."

"Well, I know _that_. Say yes this time around. I mean…do I make the plans or do I let her do everything? I'm fifty years old, Jim, I really shouldn't be so bad at this," he groaned.

"But you are," Brass laughed.

"It's not funny, Jim!"

"It's a little funny, Gil. You're flipping out and you don't even know that it really is a date she's asking you about."

"It is. I know it is, Jim."

"My advice is to calm down and to let her talk when she gets here."

"Of course, thanks."

"And don't say no. Honesty after last time, Gil, I'm surprised no one thought you were gay." and he headed out the door, leaving Grissom to nervously run his fingers through his formerly perfected hair.

--

'_I'm going to burn those cards and laugh as Greg cries.'_ She though again as she cleared her throat and knocked on the door frame.

Realizing he had messed up his hair, he smoothed it out as best as he could. "Hey, Sara."

"Hey."

"You're late," He joked and smiled nervously "Where'd you go?"

'_Oh just busy bludgeoning a coworker'_ she thought. "I had someo-thing I had to…do…get from my locker."

"Oh, well, okay then. Shut the door and have a seat."

"Oh, don't worry about the door. This won't take too long." She felt like she was going to throw up and the nervous way he way looking at her sure as hell wasn't helping matters any. '_Open door equals quick escape.'_

"Okay. What did you need…want to ask me then?"

"Well…I-"

"Are you alright?" Grissom asked her.

"Why?"

"You look like you're about to throw up."

"I'm fine. Really." She smiled. '_LIAR!'_

"Okay then, ask away."

"Yeah…so, we're all sitting in the break room-"

"Hey, boss, I need you signature on these," Hodges said while walking into the office. He had his face buried in some papers so he failed to notice Sara right away.

"Uh, David, I'm a little busy."

"What?" he turned and saw Sara, who just waved at him "Oh! Sara! Hi!" He yelled nervously. "You…Hi! I'm fine! Not that you just asked me. You good? Of course you're good. Why wouldn't you be good?! You're Sara, you're **great**! HA!"

"David, what's in your nose?" Grissom asked.

"K-Kleenex, sir."

"Why? What in the world happened to your face?"

"Yeah, Hodges. What happened to your face?" Sara asked sweetly, but with a glare in her eye that went unmissed by Hodges.

"The Kleenex stops the um, the blood, sir."

"What the hell did you do?" Grissom asked again.

"I-"

"Oh, my God, Hodges!" Greg yelled on his way into Grissom's office. "Kinda reminds me of a certain red nosed holiday creature."

'_She's never going to get to ask me!'_ Grissom thought. "What, Greg?!"

"Huh? Oh, papers for you to sign. Ouch-kabibbles, Hodges!" Greg patted Sara on the back and gave he an approving smile.

"Well, Hodges, you going to tell Grissom how you did that?" she asked with the look in her eye again.

"Y-it…lab…was…aces high…Sa-…pain…door," he stuttered out.

"Door?" came from Grissom, Sara and Greg.

"Door. Yeah, a door."

"Really?"

"S.O.B. opened right out of nowhere. Walked right into it, silly me." He laughed nervously looking at Sara. "Damn…damn those doors."

"You should have Doc take a look at it," Grissom advised.

"Maybe Sara could escort you down there. Make sure you don't have any problems on the way," Greg laughingly volunteered.

"No!" came from both Grissom and Hodges, gaining them odd looks from the other.

"We were busy," Grissom explained.

"Yup, they were busy. I wouldn't want Sara to get in trouble," Hodges said.

"It would be a shame to see what an angry Sara could do. Right Hodges?" Greg asked.

"Door," was his too quick response.

"Give me your papers Greg," Grissom took them and began reading over them.

Greg bent down to Sara's ear. "You ask yet?"

"No, the bleeder interrupted me." She nodded at a queasy looking Hodges.

"You still going to ask?"

"Greg, I really don't know if I can do this!"

"End of shift tomorrow."

"What?" she asked.

"Try and do it now, but if you can't bring yourself to at least ask if the guy's door swings both ways…then do it by the end of shift tomorrow."

"Why the hell are _you_ being so nice?"

"Because, Sara…are, are you gonna burn my babies?"

"Your what?!"

He took his cards out. "My babies. Are you going to burn them? I'm being nice so don't okay?"

She laughed, drawing Grissom's attention. "Nothing! Inside joke…had to be there." She waived him off and stole Greg's cards "Insurance, you little shit!"

"No, my babies!" Greg cried.

"Here, Greg," Grissom handed him his papers and sent him on his way.

"Good luck with that whole…face…thing, Hodges," Greg said laughing and left.

"Hodges, give me yours."Grissom took his papers and read them, but Hodges just stood stock still. He didn't have anything to say to Sara. Well, except maybe ask her where her gym was, but that was for later.

Hodges took the papers and started backing slowly out of the room. "Thanks, boss."

"What? No 'bye' for me, Hodges?" Sara asked innocently.

"Sara, did you have anything to do with his face?"

Sara looked from Hodges to Grissom and back to Hodges with a raised eyebrow.

"Now, Hodges, did I have _anything_ to do with the assault on your pwetty wittle face?"

"Door," he said, his voice cracking and his head shaking hard. He left the room quickly.

"I'm innocent. You heard it yourself."

"I still doubt it," he laughed.

"Understandable."

"Back to what you came in here for."

"Okay, Grissom. So we-"

"Hey, Gil, I need- Oh, Sara."

"Jesus, Catherine, WHAT!?" Sara yelled.

"You're still in here," she sounded surprised.

"Uh, yeah. Good call," Sara snapped. '_I work with geniuses…yay me!'_

"Um, well, Sara…Jim didn't call you?"

"I shut my phone off so that I could have a two second conversation with my boss. Those two seconds started over half an hour ago, so…"

"Well, I really think you should check your messages, Sara."

"Catherine, what did you need?" Grissom asked.

"Well-" she started

He put his had up to stop her. "Let me guess, you have a whole tree for me to read and sign?"

She nodded and handed him the papers.

"Sara, check your messages," she said forcefully. "The ones from Brass."

"Pain in my ass, Cat…I swear…" Sara said, pulling out her phone.

--

After leaving the break room, Catherine had checked on some evidence in trace and headed to the locker room for her car keys.

In the locker room she found a bleeding Hodges who 'wasn't crying, dammit!' She helped him clean up and stuffed his puffy, rainbow colored nose with Kleenex strips to stop the bleeding while singing to him about a certain reindeer.

She then headed out to her car for something she couldn't really remember, but was still relatively certain it was important. On the way she had to stop and yell and Greg and Bobby for exchanging porn star phone numbers at work, also reminding Greg that he was still dating Judy. She then had to shout at Nick and Warrick. They had migrated back to the break room and had gotten into a pretty heavy game of Madden. It wasn't so much the game, but the language that got them into trouble. Andrew 'Dice' Clay would've put soap in their mouths.

Finally she made it to her car and remembered what she had been after. She had a meeting with Ecklie in about an hour to go over some budget issues. Sure the shirt she had on now showed off some of what God gave her, but the shirt she was after would let the world know what was (still) up. Outside she ran into Brass.

"Hey, Jim. What are you doing here?"

"I had some things to take care of before I leave."

"Where you headed off to?"

He mumbled something.

"I'm sorry. E-excuse me, Jim. Did you just say goats?"

"Yeah."

"Goats? Like 'bah' goats?"

"There's another kind?"

"Not that I know of. So…goats?"

"Yes, Catherine."

"I…don't know what question to ask first, Jim," she laughed

"My cousin is a goat farmer. I'm going to stay with him for a week."

"Where the hell do you farm goats in Vegas?"

"Not in Vegas. About five hours from here."

"Long drive, you should go."

"I'm a little behind because Gil was having a panic attack."

"Is he okay? Over what?" she asked, obviously concerned.

"He's fine, it was a Sara thing."

_Panic!_ "Oh, a Sara thing. Really?"

"Yeah. A question she had for him."

"Question. What, uh… what question would that have been, Jim?"

"You were in the break room when she was planning it. You tell me, Cath."

With a sigh she said, "Okay, this is going to sound really stupid, Jim."

"I'm a cop in Vegas, try me."

So she did. She started with Sara's initial arrival in Vegas, the first dinner proposal, threw in Greg's whacked ass theory, some spilled coffee, tally sheets, porn stars, bleeding employees, goats and ended with them in the parking lot and his jaw on the pavement.

"Jesus, Jim, it wasn't _that_ bad."

"No, Catherine, it is. Gil assumed she was going to ask him out again."

"Shit!"

"He's in there with nothing but the word 'yes' on his mind."

"Bigger shit!" she yelled reaching for her phone. "It's dead. Call Sara and tell her to shut up until tomorrow."

"Yeah, no problem. What about Gil?"

"Don't tell him she wasn't going to ask, Jim. He needs that like Ecklie needs another bottle of floor wax for his head."

* * *

Well, I thought it was funny. There you have it…the longest chapter I have ever written. Actually the longest anything I've written. I know the last section was out of place kinda but I didn't know where to stick it…Rosie I swear if you tell me where I can stick it-shakes a warning fist- So anyway, don't hate me for the ant line with Nick, I know it was low…but hey Eckile plus floor wax equals redemption? Get that movie by the way…I'll be checking on that in the next chapter!

Remember…reviews equal me _**not**_ pulling a 'door' move on you.

thegreatbluespoon- Guess freaking what? Its depressing…No snow!! More rain and an ass load of wind at my house but no damn snow. Our weatherman has promised snow about four times since Christmas already and I have been let down every time. I ever meet Gus Gordon (that's his real name, no joke) I shall kick him in his lying teeth! I can still write fanfic from jail right?


	4. Coming out, going out?

Soooo did everyone run on out and check out that movie??? Well, if you did…told you it screamed Grissom and Sara right! And if you didn't…why? You need to! Really, you'll love it. There is a quote in here from the movie...not a major line, I just thought it was funny. Catch it, point it out and I will give you mad props in the next chapter. And trust me, my props to you matter in this life.

* * *

"Pain in my ass, Cat…I swear…" Sara said, pulling out her phone. "One missed message. Must be Brass'," she said aloud. "Well, at least no major crime broke out and I was the world's last great hope and all of that good drama."

"Just _check the damn message _Sara," Catherine said in a hushed tone.

Sara looked up at Catherine in confusion at the tone of voice she was using. What the hell was going on?

"Fine. When I'm done, mother, may I continue my conversation with my boss?"

Grissom raised an eyebrow at the two women. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, Gil. Sara needs to check that message and you need to get back to reading and signing those papers so I can be on my way. I've got a meeting with Ecklie soon."

"I was wondering what the chestacular shirt was for," Sara said as she put her phone to her ear.

Grissom went back to the seemingly interminable stack of papers that Catherine had brought him.

Good, it kept him from seeing Sara's face.

Her face was some odd mix between humility and anger as she listened to Brass. "…and that you _really_ need to stop talking right now if you haven't gotten to the part about him being gay. Don't do it, Sara." He sighed, "He thinks…he thinks you're there for an entirely different reason. Don't ask if he's into guys, he'll shit a brick. Hell, Sara, he'll shit the Great Wall of China if _you_ ask that question. Okay, Sara? Just call me as soon as you get this, or talk to Catherine, she knows. Just stop talking. Bye." How many people knew about this?

She turned to Catherine and whispered, "How the hell does Brass know?" Why couldn't these people just let her ask the man?!

"Come here." Catherine motioned for a little conference in the corner of Grissom's office.

Grissom looked up at Sara. She held up a finger and told him, "This'll just take a sec." and went over to Catherine.

"Okay, I went outside and that's when I saw Jim-"

"Why was he at the lab?" Sara cut her off.

"He was leaving to go to a goat farm." At Sara's confused look she added, "It's his cousin's. I think this is his vacation."

"Like 'bah' goats? And where the hell do you farm goats in Vegas?" Sara asked.

"That's what I asked! Yes 'bah' goats and it's like four or five hours from here. _Anyway_ he was late leaving. He said it was because Griss was freaking out about something."

"And? What the hell was it?"

"You."

"Really?" Sara blushed and smirked.

"Yeah, Sara, modesty looks really great on you, but right now, please focus."

"Sorry."

"So Jim helped him out and was on his way."

"What was the big issue though? What was he freaking out about me for; what did I do?"

"The reason he was freaking out was because…Sara, the man thought you were coming in here to ask him out again."

Jaw meets floor.

"Yeah and that looks better on you than the modesty did."

Sara closed her mouth "A date again?! Oh, my God…holy…fu-…son of a goat lover."

"What is it with people and goats?"

"I guess that whole Brass think put them in my head, sorry…whatever. A date?!"

"Yeah, that's why Jim told you to stop talking. Before you embarrassed the hell out of yourself…and Gil."

"But…I…oh, could life suck ass any harder right now?!" Sara groaned.

"Yeah, you could be Grissom." Catherine laughed and pointed at him.

Sara looked over at him. Fingers were running though curls again and once again, no gaydar going off. He was lost in thought…and hot!

"So what do I do, Cath"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if I'm not supposed to ask if he is gay, the thing I was sent in here to do, then what _do_ I do?"

"Um…leave?"

"Greg said I had til the end of shift tomorrow to ask him."

"Whenever, just definitely _not_ now while he's only thinking 'yes' Sara."

A curious eyebrow rose up "He's thinking only 'yes'?"

"Sara?" Catherine knew what was up.

"Hey" she put her hands up in defense "why the hell not?"

"He's…well, because, Sara…he-"

"Ha! You have no reason!"

"You're going to ask him out?!"

"Damn straight, I'm going to ask him out!"

"Sara…you still have to ask if he's gay, you know."

"Yeah, but before my death, I'm going to go on a date with Gil Grissom." Sara said dreamily.

"Ew, wipe your mouth ,Sara. Jesus, how old are you anyway?"

"Bite me, Grandma! I'm younger than you."

Catherine's turn for a jaw drop. "Oh! I'm not _that _old! That was a cheap shot!"

"Sorry."

"No you're not."

"Not really, Grandma."

Catherine rolled her eyes. "So _Greg_ said that you have til the end of shift tomorrow? Since when did we, one, have a timeline for this, and two, have Greg in charge of said timeline?"

"It's Greg…he's in charge of everything in his own little world."

"This whole lab is Greg's own little world."

"Exactly. But don't worry about a thing. Look!" Sara exclaimed as she pulled Greg's cards from her pockets and Catherine's lit up.

"Shut up! His 'babies'?!"

"I know, right!"

"Sara, I think I just forgave you for that 'grandma' line!"

"We can get anything out of that little shit now."

"Oooo…anything, this is just _too_ good, Sara."

"I don't even know what to use them for."

"He'll most certainly have some type of dirt on us or want something."

"Who the hell cares!"

"He said they were 'his last shot at foreign happiness'. We've got something good here, Sara."

"Catherine, I'm done with your tree now," Grissom said, neatly stacking the papers.

She started back to his desk but Sara stopped her. "Cath, no matter what, don't tell the boys about the date. They'll ruin it, even if he is gay, this is my only shot."

"Jesus, Sara, I'm not that big of a bitch. Good luck." Catherine gathered the papers from Grissom and headed out the door, giving Sara one last 'good luck' wink.

"So…what was that whole thing about?"

"What thing?" Sara asked while returning to her seat.

"Suspicious phone messages…pow wows in dark office corners? A little espionage perhaps, Miss Sidle?" he smirked.

'_Damn, it's hot when he calls me that!_' she thought. "Oh, those things. Um, well…I, they have to do with why I'm here," she smiled with some odd, newfound confidence.

"We never got to that part of the conversation."

"We never really got to any part of any conversation."

"Hey, that part wasn't my fault. You said not to shut the door, Sara," he laughed.

"Well, I didn't really think that people would be walking in here every two freaking seconds. Or at least ever time I tried asking…" and suddenly her confidence had gone.

"Asking?" he prodded gently. '_Please for the love of any God in any heaven anywhere, just ask me out!'_

"Asking if um…maybe you are…if you might-"

'_Screw it!'_ he thought. "Sara, I think I know what you're going to ask me."

"Yeah?"

"And my answer is…my answer is yes," he said with a mile-wide smile across his face.

The sound of glass shattering in the hall cut Sara off from any response.

"What the hell was that?" Grissom asked, running to the hallway followed by an equally curious Sara.

There they found Greg looking like a five-year-old that just found his father, not Santa, placing presents under the tree. At his feet, several shattered glass beakers.

"Greg, what happened?" Grissom asked.

"Uh," was all Greg said as he stared at Sara.

She knew what happened.

"Uh, Gris, I think he's fine. I'll help him clean this up and I'll uh, talk to you later. Yeah?"

"Um…yeah, okay." And he made his way back to his office

Being sure to keep her voice down she still yelled at Greg, "What the hell Greg?!"

"I knew it!"

"What?"

"He's gay!"

"What did you hear? Exactly?"

"He said that he knew what you were in there to ask- guilty conscience, I guess- and you said 'yeah' and then he confirmed it. He said yes! Sara, the man just told you he was gay!" he grinned stupidly.

"This is ignorant, Greg!"

"No, this is genius!"

"What?!"

"Sara, the man you're in love with is gay…that means my chances are open. With you I mean…_not_ with him."

"Greg-"

"Please?" he begged.

"You know, when you beg like that it's-"

"Oddly hot and you find yourself completely unable to restrain yourself? Broom closet is okay with me," he winked.

"You're an idiot!" she smacked his arm.

"And Grissom's a mo!" Greg defended himself.

"A mo?"

"Mo as in homo. Homo as in homosexual. Homosexual as in queer, gay, flamer. As in he pitches or catches, probably both. As in he likes guys, as in pole smoker, as in fudge packer, as in he likes it up the-"

"Jesus, Greg! I really think I got the point! You know a lot of the gay lingo!"

He shrugged, "I've been reading a lot of books on tape."

"Lots of ways to describe Grissom then."

"Yeah and I'm none of those things!" he said finishing up the glass cleaning.

"Greg-"

"Oh, come on! He's gay so you can't seriously be in love with the guy anymore."

She looked into Grissom's office at him. He was smiling shyly at her. She smiled back and turned to Greg.

"Oh, my God, Sara. You are!"

"So."

"I don't know what everyone is going to love more- the fact that he is gay or the fact that you still want him," he laughed and turned to walk away.

"I have porn stars and matches, Greg," she warned

He froze. "No."

"I will."

"What am I not telling?"

"That I…you know what, I'm sure better reasons to torch your ladies will come up. Go for it." She didn't care, Grissom had said yes to her date proposal…well, not that she had technically asked him out, but he thought she was, so it counts!

"Wha-" Greg was left standing in the halls when Sara turned back into Grissom's office and shut the door in his face.

"So, Grissom, about this date…"

* * *

Oh, my God, you guys! Did I just pull off a cliffy? This was a little drama like- my bad, it just came out like that.

Oh and in case you care…and sorry if you don't, this chapter is funnyish…not as funny as others because I ACTUALLY SLEPT! I slept for almost a whole 7 hours…not that much to you, but a record for me. I got pissed and downed some Nyquil…yay self medication! So the deprivation wasn't really there to help me with this…

thegreatbluespoon----IT SNOWED!!! For three minutes and an uncertain amount of seconds it snowed itty bitty flakes you guys! See, I totally proved my mother wrong…if you bitch and moan long enough, things _**do**_ happen! Suck on that, ma!


	5. Everyone's got issues

**A/N 1: **You guys, what the hell? Did no one get that movie? I'm telling you it is Sara and Grissom through and freaking through! No one gets mad props from me…Hey, your fault, not mine. When the world ends in 2012 and none of you have mad props from me, well, just remember that I gave you fair warning…

**Super long A/N 2 because I'm pissed: **Those of you out there who read this story and just _assume_ that I have an issue with gay people and send me hate filled private messages seriously need to stop. Newsflash you morons, this is chapter 5…you've had the option to STOP READING by now! Your pessimistic attitudes have officially surpassed the point of pissing me off. I'm generally a glass-half-full type of girl but you people have just really got me in a mood. I don't know how to say this without making him sound like a trophy of sorts, but I have a gay friend. I am really close to him and love him to death. If I had an issue with gay people, I probably wouldn't be friends with them, now would I? Yes, this story is going to offend some people, I know that. Everything that everyone does is going to offend someone in someway. The way I brush my hair in the morning probably offends some culture somewhere so fuck off! Dear Lord, I've just dropped the f-bomb - 20 more people offended right there! Archie is going to ask Greg a 'serious' question. Take note of Greg's answer to it, that is _my _answer to that question. My point is, I know that I've offended some, but I've entertained others. Let us be and quit sending me your idiotic messages. That having been said, on with the story…

* * *

"So Grissom, about this date…"

'_What the hell?! She wants to talk about that NOW?_'

"You want to make the plans or do I need to? I don't know what you like to do, I know it will obviously be something that I will like because, well, we're so much alike…"

'_Jesus she's talking a mile a minute!_' he laughed on the inside. An intelligent man does not make fun of Sara Sidle.

"…but even though we're alike, I still have no idea what it is that you would want…"

"Sara," he tried stopping her.

"…to do on a date. Oh, my God, that sounds crazy weird doesn't it? A date? Me and you together? Holy shit! That is going to be messing with me all night tonight. Anyway, what do…"

"Sara?"

"…you want to do? I'm game for anything really, but you already knew that. Or you should already know that. I'll try anything twice. That was a joke…"

'_I think steam is coming out of her ears!'_

"…I know it wasn't really funny…"

"Sara!" he bellowed.

That shut her the hell up!

"What, Griss?"

"What the hell did you drink before you came back in here?"

"Uh, nothing why?"

"You're talking faster than Greg did that time Nick and Warrick gave him twenty dollars to drink that entire pot of day-old coffee."

"Oh, sorry…nerves," she shrugged.

"Well, the whole…_date_ thing makes me nervous as hell too, but you _really_ aren't helping me out!"

"Well, you're fifty years old, Grissom. You really shouldn't be so bad at this type of thing, you know!" she laughed.

"Well, thank you for your fantastic vote of confidence, Sara," he said dryly, remembering how he had said the exact same thing about himself.

"Anytime," she laughed.

"So on this date…" he prodded.

"Whatever you want to do. You plan it," she offered.

"Like dinner?"

"Or movies."

"Did you know that ninety percent of the movies released in the United States are porn films?"

'_Awkward!_' yelled the nervous Sara in her head. '_How would you like to co-star with me in one of our own?' _asked the little, Grissom ravaging voice in her head "Uh, no…I, um…wasn't, wasn't really aware of that, no."

"Oh, well now you are." He smiled proudly at the fact that , once again, he had taught something to Sara…regardless of how stupid he later realized it was to have said. '_Porn? What the hell is the matter with you?! How 'Greg' of a thing was that to say?' _

"Always learning new things around you." She smiled. '_Except for things that I need to know. Things like…if you're GAY!'_

"Glad to teach you." He smiled back.

"So we're going to the movies?"

"I honestly don't know. Like you said, I'm kind of bad at this whole date thing."

"Well, you're not great at it, but don't feel bad because I suck."

At that he raised a curious eyebrow.

"Too! I suck too! At the dating thing I meant!" her face was bright red with embarrassment.

"Of course." He nervously cleared his throat, "Yeah."

"Well, I'm going to get back to work now." She smiled nervously. '_Before I embarrass myself even more and want to douse myself in gas and use matches reserved for Greg's ladies on myself._' She stood up and headed for the door, missing Grissom's eyes following a certain part of her anatomy on the way. "What time will you pick me up?"

"For what?" her ass had confused him.

"Um, our date."

"Oh, right! The…our date, right." He said, trying shaking the stupidity out of his head.

"Well? What time?" She laughed. Gay or not, this was funny.

"Um…is uh, seven alright with you? Tomorrow we both have the night off." He suggested.

"You'll have a plan by then?"

"For you, I'm sure I can whip something out- up by then." It was now his turn to go countless shades of red.

"Then seven sounds great." She smiled at his slip up and left his office…heading straight to the locker room to freak out in private.

--

"Ew!" Bobby exclaimed.

Greg had called a 'Sara wants the Mo' meeting in the break room. Seriously, that's what he called it.

'_Sara Wants The Mo- Attendance in Break Room Mandatory' _went out across the pagers of all involved in the matter. Everyone except Sara…even Greg wasn't that dumb.

"She does not!"

"No way in hell!"

"I swear!" Greg said, "She is _still_ in love with the guy!"

"And he seriously said he was gay?" Nick asked.

"Like, honest to God, the man said he was gay, Greg?" Catherine asked.

"Yes!" Greg swore.

Warrick shook his head. "If he's gay, and she still wants him…that is some kind of freaky!"

"Ew!" Archie yelled.

"Hodges, you have no input on this?" Bobby asked, unsuccessfully hiding his smile.

"No, I have no input on this," Hodges snapped back, removing the wads of Kleenex from his nose.

Some form of "Oh, my God, man!" came from everyone in the room.

"What?" asked Hodges.

Greg replied, "It looks like she hit you upside the face with a brick!" and everyone burst out laughing…everyone but Hodges anyway.

"Whatever," and an eye roll was his reply.

"Seriously, Hodges, she beat your ass good!" Archie said and then fell out of his chair laughing.

"Hodges got beat up by a girl!" Nick slapped him on the back.

"I did not get beat up by a _girl_. I got beat up by _Sara_…huge difference," He corrected.

"True." Catherine laughed, "Calling Sara a girl is like calling-"

"Calling Grissom straight!" Nick began laughing loudly but stopped when he saw Sara standing in the doorway.

"Oh…hey, Sara…how…how long you been standing there?" Hodges asked very cautiously as his chair magically began rolling away from the doorway in which she stood.

"Since about the time Archie made his crash landing," Sara said calmly.

"Oh…so…you-" he began.

"Heard you?" she cut in with a smirk on her face that made him want to cry out for his mommy. "Yes, Hodges, I heard."

"Oh…"

"Don't worry, we can talk later though. Right now I need to talk to Catherine."

"Oh, well, Sara, we're on break. We were all…um busy discussing something."

"Yeah, Cath, I caught that."

"No, you heard the wrong part of the conversation, Sara. That was off topic."

"Yeah," she said in a doubting tone. "Well when you're done, come find me please? Seriously." She sounded a bit desperate at the end before she walked away.

"What the goat fuck was that all about?" Archie asked as he finally picked himself up off of the floor.

"What is it with people and goats?!" Catherine yelled.

"What? That's the first time any of us brought up any goats."

"First Brass, then Sara, and now you. I'm sick and tired of goats! I'll be having nightmares about goats for weeks!" she yelled again and headed off to find Sara.

"So…what _was _the deal with the goats?"

Bobby chimed in, "Some wacko going around killing goats. Archie must've went through fifty hours of tape watching nothing but goats being offed just trying to catch a glimpse of the guy."

"Oh."

"Crap, Grissom's coming!"

"What do we do!?"

"Act not gay!" Greg said, earning him confused looks from everyone.

"How the hell does one act 'not gay' Greg?"

"I don't know, just do it!"

"You have a problem with gay people, Greg?" Archie asked seriously.

"Hell, no. Having a problem with gay people is like having a problem with left handed people," Greg said.

More confused looks.

"Exactly my point. It's completely stupid and makes no sense. Be gay all you want. Just don't try and stick it up my-"

"Hey, everybody." Grissom cheerily cut him off, thankfully not having heard any of what they had been talking about.

"Hey, Boss," came from everyone.

"How are you all?" Grissom asked while pouring himself some coffee.

"Fine," Greg said. "You seem pretty chipper there, Grissom."

"Well, it's a lovely day, Greg." He smiled widely. In less than 24 hours he was going to be on a date with Sara. It was a lovely day, indeed.

"Almost too chipper there, Boss," Hodges said "Like almost to the point of scaring us. Why, may I ask?"

"Sorry," Grissom's smile grew wider still. "_'It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness. Poverty an' wealth have both failed_.'"

"Who said that?"

"Kin Hubbard did. Can't I just be happy?"

"Ah…'pretty and witty and _gay_' there Grissom?" Bobby asked with a certain emphasis on gay.

"Well, Bobby, I certainly don't know about 'pretty', but 'witty and gay'? Why not, like I said, it's a lovely day." And with that he left the room filled with shocked faces.

"Did he just admit to being gay _again_?"

"Well, it _was_ a different type of gay…"

--

Catherine found Sara in the locker room looking like she was going to have a panic attack.

"Sara?"

"Oh, sweet Jesus! Thank God you're here!" she ran over and hugged her.

"Easy!"

"Sorry! I don't know why I just hugged you."

"Yeah, let's never do that again."

"Deal," Sara said.

"Great. Why did you need me?"

"Oh, that." Sara sighed.

"Yeah, that. You sounded kind of desperate."

"I am! He agreed."

"Who did what now?"

"Grissom agreed to go on a date with me, Catherine. He's taking me on a date." She smiled dreamily.

"I do believe we've discussed the whole drooling issue before," Catherine said while handing Sara a napkin.

"Oh, right, sorry."

"So…what's the problem?"

"Um, do you want the whole rundown or just bits and pieces?"

"Give me the whole thing, Sara. What's wrong?" Catherine asked.

"Life in general," she laughed "I don't know what to do for my make-up or about my hair or my clothes. Well, I had an idea for an outfit, but I don't know!"

"You sound like a twelve-year-old on her first date," Catherine laughed.

"Gee thanks." She sighed loudly, "So are you going to help me or not, because I'm not begging you!"

"Dress up?!" Catherine's face lit up. "With you? Make Sara Sidle girly?! I am _SO_ in!"

"Really?"

"Hell yes! What was your idea for an outfit?"

"Oh, well I have this really cute angora sweater…"

"Sara, I swear if you or anyone else brings up goats one more time they are getting punched in the throat."

"Um…okay. Look, it's the end of shift. Lets go to my place on you can rummage through my stuff to see if I have anything worthy."

"Doubtful, very doubtful."

"Just humor me," Sara said as they made their way past Grissom's office she giggled like a school girl when he waved at her.

"Sara, the man is _gay_!" Catherine chided.

"When the hell did you hop on the bandwagon?"

"When Grissom told you he was gay."

That stopped Sara dead in her tracks. "What?!"

"When Grissom told you he was gay." Catherine spoke slowly and with emphasis this time.

"What are you talking about, Catherine?"

"Greg told us…" Catherine got why Sara as confused when she said the name 'Greg'. Of course! God, why did any of them ever listen to him? "You never asked him did you?!"

"No. Courage flew out the window. I was going to ask after the date tomorrow. Honest!"

"Sara!"

"Oh, come on!"

"Everyone thinks he's gay!"

"Everyone thought he was gay before!" Sara countered.

"But now everyone thinks he admitted to being gay!"

" 'Time heals all wounds' "

"Yeah, like that works here."

"I tried," Sara shrugged

"What a wonderful hole you've dug for yourself."

"I know. Cath, can we just go now please?"

"Fine."

They began their trek towards the front again when Sara noticed that all of the boys, including Hodges, were still in the break room. An evil light bulb went off in her head. She stuck her head inside. "Hey, Hodges?"

He must've jumped ten feet at the sound of her voice. "Uh…um, it…uh, yeah Sara?"

"Two animals I'm thinking of say 'bah'. They are?"

"Um…sheep and goats?"

Sara turned to Catherine and pointed to Hodges as if he was hers for the taking. Catherine shook her head and walked away.

"What? Hey, you said _anyone_ that talked about goats!" Sara yelled after her.

* * *

I apologize for this chapter. Not my best…apparently there is a point where the deprivation stops helping the comedy and actually hinders it, and the mood I was in did not help any, I'm sure. Consider this a filler chapter of sorts…I didn't want to hop right to the date. It's next though, so don't worry. The first half is already written and I am liking it.

Cheer me up and review!

thegreatbluespoon- is in a better mood because…snow, snow, snow…I've got snow! –dances around like a fool and lands on her ass because, hey, there's ice under that snow-


	6. Preparations

**A/N- **First of all, no worries my dearies…much better mood! Only one whack job emailed me! Second, you guys are gonna hate me! So I was sitting around doodling up something for a Knowledge sequel when this completely random thing hit me. Therefore I've decided to piss you all off and make you wait for the date again. Chapter 7 is guaranteed to be a non-gay date though, no matter what pops up in my head…so don't hate just yet people. You've been faithful so far and it's appreciated!

_**---**_This chapter is for my brother. Um…yeah there was a bit of an incident. Apparently when you leave poptarts unattended in a toaster long enough to turn around and get chocolate milk, that is plenty of time for said poptarts to catch fire. I'm broke and can't buy another toaster so this is my way of saying "My bad, dude…"

* * *

"I can't believe you passed that up," Sara said as she pulled into her parking lot.

"What?"

"Kicking Hodges' ass."

"I'll leave the bludgeoning of Hodges up to you."

"Really? You should try it, Cath…you wouldn't believe how much fun it is!"

"I would love to kick his ass, but would you just _look_ at these nails!" Catherine said while proudly displaying her hands in front of her. "That is too much effort wasted on one person, and that one person isn't worth the risk to these nails."

"God, you are _such_ a girl!"

"Duh, Sara."

"You know what I meant, Cath," she said as she unlocked her door and led Catherine inside her apartment.

"Holy hell! _You_ live here?"

"Yeah?" Sara scoffed.

"Well…it's, Sara…this is very nice." Catherine was very, very shocked. She had expected the worst when she stepped into the apartment. You know, beer cans, dirty dishes, pizza boxes, ketchup stains on the carpet. Not even close. Sara was…whoa.

"Thanks, I guess."

"What is that?" Catherine asked pointing at a painting on her wall.

"A Jack Vettriano. It's called 'Dance Me to the End of Love.' Nice huh?"

"Beautiful, really." Catherine whipped around to face her, "You're a hopeless romantic!"

"No, I just like the premise of the painting. God, you read too much into crap. Don't get all touchy feely on me, or I'll kick your ass next." Sara headed towards the kitchen, "Want a beer before we start this whole deal?"

"Like you really have to ask," Catherine laughed.

After five beers apiece, the two women were not really in any condition to be making decisions on date outfits but, hey, after five beers apiece, they weren't really in any condition to realize any different.

"Ridiculous, Sara, you haves got nothing!"

"This thingy?" Sara held up her angora sweater.

Catherine fell onto Sara's bed laughing, "Call a cab, we're going to my house! You've got shit to wear and you need to look _hot_! If Grissom _is_ gay, we're gonna make that fairy regret it!"

By the time the cab got to her apartment the women had already downed another two beers apiece.

"Aw, fuck beans. Wheres ma keys? Youse gots them?" Catherine asked.

Sara drunkenly shook her head. "Look in tha…pick uh, pockets."

Catherine searched her jacket pockets and came up with her keys. Three whole minutes of trying to finesse them into the lock later, they were finally in the house.

"We gosta be shhh?" Sara whispered.

"She's wis my mom. S'okay ta be loud."

Sara gladly took advantage of that opportunity and cranked the stereo. "Frickin' good tunes, Cat!"

"I know it. Why you thinks I bought it?"

"Where's the beer?"

"Yeah…is through there." She pointed through the doorway into the kitchen. Sara stumbled in and a minute later, stumbled out with more to drink.

"This is really good beer, Cat."

"We're drunk, any beer'sa good beer."

"Point taken," Sara said and took a giant swig of her beer.

"Yup." And Catherine matched Sara's drink with one of her own.

"Great beer," she laughed.

"Oh, we should call Grissom about your date!"

"We aren't _that _drunk, Catherine."

"Why'd did…how come we came here?"

"Some kind of…reason or another."

"Some…gay?" Catherine guessed.

"Clothes!"

"Oh, yeah!"

They laughingly stood up and stumbled their way into the kitchen to get another beer before they made their way to Catherine's bedroom. When they got there, Sara was in shock.

"Whoa!"

"I know right?!" Catherine was extremely proud.

"That is juss beyond ridiculous, ya know."

"I know," Catherine agreed still not wiping to smugly proud smile off of her face.

"Your closet is bigder than my wholes apartment!" Sara laughed.

"I know!"

Sara stepped into the big ass closet that could, in fact, swallow her apartment whole and be left asking for seconds. She went into fashion overdrive. Instantly she began buzzing around 'oohing' and 'aahing' at everything she saw.

"How you gonna cope if he's a gay guy?"

"He aint queer!" Sara defended.

"Juss a question!"

"I'll get him to prove he aint!"

"How youse gonna do that?"

Sara took another long drink of beer "Legally I can think of about four things to do with him. Illegally…oh, buddy," she smirked.

"I fear for that man," Catherine laughed. "Lets us get on with clothes…on with clothes."

"What am I wearing?"

"I've uh, had somethin in ma head all days, Sara. Is perfect for your ass," Catherine grinned and retrieved the outfit. "Literally."

Sara gasped, "The hell is that?"

"I said we were gonna make him regret bein gays."

"How?"

"Your outfit," Catherine said and handed it to Sara.

"_This_ is my outfit? Where the hells the rest of it?!"

--

'_Oh, my god… Oh, my god… Oh, my god… Oh, my god…_' Grissom was pacing like crazy at his house. He still had plenty of time before he had to go pick up Sara…_for their date_. Actually he had three hours until he needed to go and that would still give them ample time to just go slow. He was already dressed had the tickets in his pocket and everything. He had already primped in the mirror twenty times already, making sure not one hair was out of place.

'_Go sit your old ass down, Gil. You have too much time on you hands.'_ He sat down on his couch and nervously smoothed out the wrinkles in his dress pants that weren't there. '_Screw it, at least with pacing you had something to do!' _He got up and started pacing again when his phone rang.

"Grissom."

"Hey."

"Oh, it's you."

"Gee, thanks."

"You need something, Catherine?"

"Okay, first of all, not so loud."

"Uh, alright…sorry."

"Second, last night…were you home?" she asked.

"Yes."

She covered up the mouthpiece of her phone but he could still hear some of what she was saying. 'No…bite me…I'll give you goats…you want to talk to him then…that's what I thought…I'm going to ask…calm down…damage control…Advil…pint of ice cream…then cab.'

"Gil?"

"I'm here."

"You said you were home?"

"Yeah."

"You get any phone calls…from any mysterious drunks?"

"No. Should I have?"

"God, no!"

"Alright then."

"Yeah…I'm going to hang up now, Gil. Have a great date- DAY!"

'_She did not tell you to have a great date. Calm down, you spaz…she did not. No one knows._' He checked his watch. Wow! That conversation had taken all of three minutes…so much for time just flying by.

Grissom did the only thing he knew would take his mind off of Sara. He went and played with his little Dick.

Sara would like Dick very much. He was _very_ friendly and Grissom was very sure that they would get along quite well.

An entomologist having a pot bellied pig was kind of funny, especially when the pig was named after a famous detective. Dick didn't make the entire three hours tick away, but losing an hour and a half to him was good enough for Grissom.

He decided now that maybe television might be promising so he plopped down on the couch and reached for the remote, only for the phone to ring.

"Grissom."

"Uh…um…"

"Sara?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"Why are you calling?" he was worried. '_She's calling to cancel, you oaf!'_

"I…uh…"

"Need to cancel?"

"God, no!"

"What then?! You're killing me here, Sara!" he laughed nervously.

"Sorry, it's just…um, can you come over now?"

"What?"

"I've…um been ready."

"For how long?" he laughed.

"Not that long…long enough, though."

"Well I've been ready for three hours. I'll come over now. I'm bored, the primping is getting old," he laughed and hung up.

'_Primping…ohhh, maybe he is gay!'_ Sara thought and groaned as she dropped her head back on her couch. She then looked down at Catherine's clothes. '_Well, he __is_ _going to regret it if he is.'

* * *

_

**A/N2- **Do me a favor and forget that Sara had her whole alcohol issue…or remember that she did and hate the fact that she just got trashed. It's not like she got drunk for the same reasons as before!

For real…you that mad at me?

Review and express your true feelings! Oh, and seriously check out that painting by the way, it's one of my favorites…Jack Vettriano is the man.

thegreatbluespoon---is a terrible, terrible person…but she's come to terms with that.


	7. A nongay date pt1, Sara gets a haircut

**A/N-** Super cool, so you don't hate me for making you wait?! Golly ,you all are just too damn sweet to me. Anywho…as promised you guys- the date!

Thanks to Rosie for her tidbits of help. Good golly gee whiz, what would I ever do without you? Holy hell, did someone slip me a pill or something?

Did anyone read my reviews? Some crazy little toolbox wrote "GSR - Grissom + Sara" equals "RETCH" and they signed it as 'Grisson & Greg 4ever'…How cute that when they insult **canon** that they don't even spell the Bugman's name right…Oh well, we're all entitled to our opinions and blah, blah, blah…wish they'd had the guts to sign in so I could reply though. Chickenshit! Fear the canon!

* * *

'_Oh, my God… Oh, my God… Oh, my God… Oh, my God…_' was Grissom's only thought as he was pulling into the parking lot in front of Sara's apartment complex.

'_Holy crap…Holy Crap… Holy crap…Holy Crap…'_ was his only thought as he made his way up the front steps to her level.

'_What am I doing… What am I doing… What am I doing… What am I doing…'_ was his only thought as he stood in front of her door getting ready to knock. Before he could though, Sara opened the door.

'_Well smack my ass and call me Sally!_' was now his only thought as he stood slack jawed, drinking in the sight before him.

'_Hot damn!_' Sara thought as she looked Grissom up and down. "Hi."

"D-Yeah."

She laughed at his reply. "I saw that you were here and didn't think you would want to wait around, so…"

'_Are her lips moving? Why are her lips moving? Oh shit! That means she's talking and you need to be listening!'_ he thought as he continued to check her out. "You want to just go now? There's plenty to do now," he offered.

She nervously smiled, "Sure."

She shut and locked her door and followed Grissom to his car where he opened the door for her. '_Well, even gays practice chivalry. WHAT!? He isn't gay! Where did that demon thought come up from?'_

He got in and they started to drive off in an awkward silence. All he could think about was that outfit…holy hell, that outfit. One, where did she buy such a thing, and two, not that he was complaining, but why hadn't she bought the rest? All Sara could think about was how his ass looked in those pants when she followed him down her stairs- it looked _damn fine_ in case you were curious.

"So I take it you whipped _up_ something for us to do?" she smirked.

"Oh, yes. A lot of things to do. Actually, it might turn out better that we started early." He chose to ignore her obvious amusement at the slip-up in his office the night before.

"What are we doing first?" she asked.

"Are you hungry yet?"

"I ate not too long before I called you, actually."

"Me too…I know what we'll do then."

"Going to let me in on it, Griss?"

"Of course not." He smiled and they continued with random small talk on the way to their destination.

"At least you can't still cut glass on his hair because of all that crap in it anymore." She reasoned.

"True, but he does still have a lot of growing up to do."

"Yeah, he still asks me out every damn day."

That was nice to hear. Greg was asking her out and she was saying 'no'…who was she waiting for? Who indeed...

"And you never went out with him?"

"Why would I?" she said.

"Because he asked you out."

"I wasn't exactly interested in Greg, you know."

He smiled. That was good to know.

They talked some more about Greg and eventually Nick, Warrick and Catherine.

"So how did it feel to hit Hodges?" he asked slyly.

"Oh, my God, it was the absolute bes-" she turned to face him, staring at him with laser eyes. "Nice, Grissom, really nice."

"I knew you hit him!" he said in an 'aha!' type voice.

She sighed, she had been busted, why not share the details. "Was it that obvious?"

"More obvious than Catherine and Warrick."

"Damn…I didn't think I was that bad. I really need to work on my fighter's pride."

"So…"

"What?"

"Sara, how did it feel to hit him?"

She just stared at him.

"I can't stand the guy! Always sucking up to me and then Ecklie as soon as I'm not around. He is a snoop and a genuine pain in the ass. How did it feel to hit him?"

"Um, wow…like I said, it was the absolute best. The crunching of his nose was like…a…soda…can…" her words drifted off as she caught sight of where they were.

"You alright, Sara?"

"This is seriously what we're doing?"

"You must not know me very well," he rolled his eyes.

"What?"

"You are on a date with Gil Grissom, my dear. A roller coaster is a must, you know. It's basically the only thing I ever do on dates."

"_You_ go on a lot of dates? What are you talking about?"

"Nothing," he said as he climbed out and walked around to her side. He opened her door and held a hand out for her. She took his hand thinking it was just for help in getting out of his car, but he didn't let it go. She didn't say a word…she wasn't about to screw that up.

Grissom was so nervous about holding Sara's hand that he thought his stomach was going to fall out of his ass. She was holding his hand! Holy goat fuck!

They got up to the first ride and by the sweat that was pouring out of Sara's hand, it was easy for Grissom to figure out that she was nervous. "You alright?"

"Yeah, you're a funny one," she giggled nervously.

"What happened to 'I'll try anything twice,' Sara?" he prodded.

"Always over talking…you know, I might not be so nervous if the first one you chose to take me on wasn't called _Imminent Death_," she smirked.

"It's just a name you know. It's not like I took you to New Jersey to ride the _Kingda Ka_."

"The whata what?"

"_Kingda Ka_. It's the world's fastest roller coaster at a hundred and twenty eight miles per hour. This is a baby compared to that."

"How fast is this one?"

"Around a hundred or so," he said calmly.

"I hate you," she said as he pulled her closer to the ride.

"No, you don't. You're nervous, ease up a bit."

"How? I'm kind of freaking out." She was starting to breathe differently.

"Um…the breathing needs to calm down for one. Tell me a joke," he suggested.

"I don't know any!"

"Greg talks to you every day, Sara, you know at least five hundred jokes."

She thought for a second. "Okay I've got one. What did the French man say on the roller coaster?"

Actually giving it some thought, but coming up with nothing, Grissom said, "I…uh, I don't know."

"Oui, oui." She said with a relaxed smile. It had helped her.

He was confused, he didn't get it. "Yeah, I don't get it."

"You…really?"

"Yeah."

"You know when something is fun you say 'whee'" She threw her hands in the air for emphasis. "And the French say Oui, like, O-U-I…whee, oui, get it?"

He did get it, and he tried to laugh, but it was a bad laugh.

"It sucked, didn't it?" she blushed.

"Well, it wasn't good." He laughed for real this time as he finally pulled her onto the ride with him. "You'll be just fine. Trust me, Sara."

She smiled at him and buckled in. Why not trust him? It _was_ just a roller coaster.

One roller coaster ride and twenty minutes later, Sara was confident that her body had finally found the bottom of her stomach. "Thanks for holding my hair," she said, wiping her mouth.

"Sara, I am _so_ sorry about this." He couldn't have felt worse if he tried.

"Nope, don't, Griss. I could've said 'no.' Don't count on the whole 'try anything _twice_' part though. No way am I getting back on there." She finally smiled.

"You want some gum or something? A mint?"

"Is it that bad?" she did the standard cupped-hand-in-front-of-the-face breath test and nearly gagged at the smell. "Oh, wow! I think I'll take both, please."

"Let's go for a walk to settle you down before we get into the car and go someplace else."

"God, I would just _die_ if I puked in your car."

He laughed, "_I_ would just die if you puked in my car."

They walked around for about thirty minutes before Sara decided that she was well enough to 'not blow chunks everywhere' inside of Grissom's car. He agreed that half an hour seemed sufficient and they headed off for part two of what was already proving to be a bad day for Grissom.

"After this we can get dinner if you are feeling up to it," he smiled.

"This is great! I've been trying to talk Nicky into bringing me to this one for two weeks now!"

That was bogus. 'Nicky? _Ew,_' Grissom thought. Was Sara dating Nick? What the hell?! How had he not noticed that?!

"We're not dating."

"What?"

"I saw that look. Nick and I, we're not dating. That would just be gross, he's like my brother." She shuddered at the thought of Nick as anything more that what he was. "Gag, Griss, honestly!" she laughed.

"Well…"

"Let's just go see the movie." She went to take his hand but her cell rang. She looked at the ID…Greg. '_What the hell does that twit want?_' she thought "Grissom this'll just take a minute."

"Sidle."

"Where are you?"

"That's seriously how you answer the phone, Greg?"

"When my love is not within my reach," he cooed.

"Ugh…what, Greg?"

"Where are you?" he repeated.

"Probably the same place I was five minutes ago and the same place I will be five minutes from now."

"That is?"

"None of your business."

"Ouch…just called to tell you that we are all at Good Times and decided that you were also invited to come and wash away your woes. And to take me home with you so that you can ravage me of course." Sara could swear she could hear his eyebrows waggling over the phone.

"I'm…out right now," she told him.

"A case?"

"Yeah, sure why not."

"Why not? What does that mean?"

"I'm hanging up now, Greg."

"Good Times, remember!" he yelled before she hung up.

She turned back to Grissom. Talking to Greg reminded her about that whole pesky gay thing, but whatever, he was hers for now. She smiled at him and grabbed his hand. He led them to their seats just as the movie was starting.

--

Sara wanted to kick that guy's ass. Grissom had already 'accidentally' kicked him in the shin while moving in front of him in line though.

"Sara…" he sighed as they sat in his car.

"It's fine." She grunted as he pulled.

"This is the worst date ever," he muttered and pulled harder.

"Gee, really, because I've been having a blast," she said sarcastically as she sucked in a breath. "It's not coming off is it?"

"No."

"You're going to have to cut it."

--

The guy that Grissom had kicked had brought his son to the movies with him. The son was as big a jerk as the father was. Both were kicking the back of Grissom and Sara's seat throughout the movie. Talking so loudly Grissom had begun to wonder if the father didn't, in fact, have a freaking megaphone surgically placed in his throat.

Sara had had enough eventually and turned around to the little boy and told him to 'knock that shit off before this Hannibal Lecter movie becomes bunnies and marshmallows compared to me, you little brat!' Not quite what Grissom's approach would have been, but it seemed to have worked…until…

Sara felt a slight pressure on the back of her head. She knew and when she turned to Grissom, he saw the look on her face and he knew. A blowpop…a half eaten away one with just enough gum sticking out of it to make it that much more fun to try and get out of Sara's hair.

"What's that noise?" Grissom asked still tugging at the tangled mess. He didn't want to cut Sara's hair any more than she wanted him to.

"My phone," she said while digging in her purse. "Be quiet so I can hear." Not really why she said for him to be quiet…It was Greg again.

"What?"

"Oh, is _that_ how you answer that phone?" came his smart response.

"Only when it's people I can't stand."

"Whatever, Sara! I love you and you love me and there's a whole lotta love between us."

"You're drunk."

"Getting there," he laughed. "You coming here or not…everyone wants to know if you are." He took the phone away from his ear so she could hear everyone yelling for her in the background. "See, they love you too."

"I'll consider it. Stop calling me." And she hung up. Good thing too because Grissom gave a really hard tug that time that hurt like hell and Sara yelled.

"Son of bitch!" she rubbed the back of her head.

He blushed. "Sorry."

"Like I said…we have to cut it out."

"So you are going to dinner with a patch of hair missing?" he successfully fought back laughter.

"It's better than a sucker sticking off the back of my head, now isn't it?"

"I guess so. You have scissors? Never mind, I should in the glove box."

Sara opened it up and sure enough, there they were. She handed them to Grissom with a warning look in her eye. "I swear on all that is holy, Gil Grissom…"

"I know, Sara, I know. Turn around and hold still." She needed to be as still as abso-freaking-lutely possible. This was already turning out to be the most horrible, God awful, 'I'm gonna kick you in the nuts because I've had the worst time ever' type of date, better not boost the crap rating by hacking extra hair.

Just as Grissom moved the scissors to make the cut, a sharp knock on the car window startled them both, causing them both to jump in their seats...

* * *

Oh, well smack _my_ ass and call _me_ Sally….a cliffy of sorts! You all seem to just love those goats...Yes, I just broke that date up into two parts. There was only going to be seven chapters and I've decided that, well, seven is blah. I didn't lie when I said chapter seven was going to be the date…I just failed to mention that it wouldn't be the whole thing. Whoops! Eight is a better number anyways. It's great because I had to throttle the life out of chapter three to get four and here we are headed off to eight! 

-runs and hides from random things being thrown at her-

I'm a review whore just like all of you…(hint hint people)

thegreatbluespoon—loves the fact that none of you know my exact location in this world...oh crud, myspace...


	8. A nongay date pt2, Can it get worse?

Well, if you read the turkey story you know that the last chapter is for my copy and pasted thanks so…**BiceyNix**,** jesse**, **StarlaMarie**, **lamcsi**, **kitsune**, **Lil' Ainjil**, **Missing Whisper**, **Sara Jessica Grissom**, **Jenny70529**, **CSIBuckeye**, **angsty-otaku**, **forensicsgirl97**, **chriscarter**, **anniehiltner**, **Kakidoll**, **xoxoPAUxoxo**, **Chione of the Nile**, **angry penguin**(I'm in love with your penname), **Veronica10** (thanks for calming me down, but not thanks for the compliment...I ate like a pound of chocolate after that!), **Invisible Evidence** (Sooo sorry I didn't automatically give you props for the wet sailors! You know I still love my gangsta transcontinental killer!),**jordanx3greggo** (Holy Goat Fuck! You're ungrounded today!! Celebrate with brand new CSI...Grissom's back! WITH A BEARD!!--HOT), **Tadpole24** (Ego-freaking-boost. How can you _not_ love the Aussies?)

Oh poo, how could I forget 'Grisson & Greg 4ever'? Dude, Grissom and Sara are **canon**, therefore your little comment earns you the right to take a flying suck at my left ass cheek. Only the left though, the right is specially reserved for those people who put Grissom and Sofia together. I know it's just fiction but ew people, ew.

Other than that fruitloop, it's been a goattastical ride my dearies and I thank you all…

* * *

Just as Grissom moved the scissors to make the cut, a sharp knock on the car window startled them both, causing them both to jump in their seats...

…and causing Grissom's hand to jerk and a _massively_ larger-than-planned portion of Sara's hair to fall away.

"Oh…"

"…my…"

"…god."

"Sara! That was _not_ my fault!" Grissom said as he held up the hair-covered sucker.

"Who the hell is knocking?!"

The man outside the car knocked again. "You two want to step out of the car please? Before I have to call for backup?"

"Backup? Holy crap, Griss, it's the cops!"

"Oh, for the love of- Just get out of the car, Sara."

"With the giant patch out of my head!" she snapped.

"You jumped just as much as I did!" he said as they stepped out of the car. "Can I help you officer…Jacobs?" Grissom asked after reading the man's nametag.

"You just hold on a second, sir. Miss, are you alright?" he asked looking at Sara who was rubbing the back of her head to inspect the damage that Grissom had done.

"Yes, I'm fine. Why do you ask?" she asked looking back and forth between the two men.

"Are you sure? You're not just saying that because he's here? We can go someplace else and talk, ma'am, if that would make you feel more comfortable."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Grissom asked.

"Boy, you do have a temper on you don't you?" Officer Jacobs said while he took a step closer to Grissom. "Just because you beat on this lady doesn't mean you'll get away with back talking me."

"Beating this- what the hell are you talking about?" Grissom's voice rose again.

"Sir, I will only ask you once to tone your voice down before I mace the hell out of you," he warned as he reached for the can on his belt.

Sara stepped in, "Officer I don't know what you're talking about. Honestly, this man has never hit me in all the years that I've known him."

"Miss, I was just on my way back from getting coffee and all I see is a man and woman in a car. The man has one hand in the woman's hair and the other hand is holding something sharp. The woman has both of her hands on his like she is holding on for dear life. I don't care how you look at it, if you are on the outside of this car, it looks like that man is trying to kill you."

"Well, with the way this date has been going-"

"Sara!" Grissom yelled.

"Sorry. No, Officer Jacobs, I assure you that, with the exception of my hair, I am perfectly fine."

Just as Jacobs lent in to look at Sara's funny bald patch, he had a bout of gracefulness. He tripped, sending his coffee all over the front of Sara's borrowed outfit.

"Oh shit!" came from both men. Sara just stood still with an unbelieving look on her face.

There was positively no way that this date could get any worse than this.

"Sara, are you alright?"

"It wasn't hot." Jacobs explained that he preferred iced coffee drinks over hot ones. One look at Sara's cold coffee soaked body and Grissom had to agree that iced drinks were _much_ better than hot ones.

"I'm fine," she said coolly.

"Are you sure, miss? Oh man, I don't even have anything to clean you up with. I'm on foot tonight."

"It's fine, officer. I'll get her taken care of," Grissom explained and Jacobs went on his way after apologizing once more for the mess he had caused, hair and all.

"So I take it this would be a bad time to ask if you're having fun yet?" Grissom asked after they got back in his car.

"I really, _really_ hope that was rhetorical, Grissom."

"Uh…"

"Thought so. I need clothes," she sighed.

"I'll stop at a gas station." At her confused look he offered up, "You know, Las Vegas novelty shirts and whatnot."

"Oh, whatever. Just get me something so that we can go eat."

--

Fifteen minutes later, Sara was watching Grissom suspiciously as he came out of the gas station with a bag in his hand. He didn't look like he wanted to get back into that car too quickly.

When he finally got in she turned to him and held out her hands for the merchandise but he didn't hand it over right away.

"Sara, before I give you this, I just want you to know that this was _not _my choice. Not at all, not one teeny little bit. _Please_ do not kill me for this because I really had no choice in the matter. The shirt or your hat."

Sara had figured that she better get a hat too since she was partially bald and was probably going to be eating in a public setting.

"Just give me the stuff."

He handed the bag to her and her jaw fell to her lap.

"Okay, there is no way in hell I am wearing this stuff, Grissom!"

"There isn't anything else in there, Sara! I swear!"

"Grissom, seriously…'_BJs are my thing'_?…There is no way in hell I can wear that. And don't get me started on the shirt."

"The shirt is kind of an honor if you think about it," he shrugged.

"Oh, yeah? Well, Mister Honorable, this shirt will fit you."

"So?"

"Give me yours," she said while handing him the novelty shirt.

"Sara, there is no way _I'm _wearing that!"

"I threw up after riding a roller coaster with you. I had a sucker stuck in my hair by some Satan's Spawn kid at the movies. I had it and a chunk of my hair cut out right before I had to stop you from being maced by a cop that thought you were physically attacking me. Grissom, your ass is giving me your shirt and putting this one on."

"I don't think so," he said sternly.

--

Less than a minute later Grissom had his shirt off and handed to Sara. He slipped the other on and turned to her, she was starting to unbutton her shirt! "Aren't you going in to change?"

"So everyone can see my sweet new hairdo? No thanks, I'll be fine changing in the car like you."

"You trust me enough to change in front of me?" he asked unbelievingly.

"Of course I do, you're ga- Grissom," she blushed. Not because of being half naked in front of her one and only dreamboat, but because she had seriously almost called that dreamboat GAY! Maybe he wouldn't notice…

"What?"…shit he did.

"Huh?"

"You almost said something else."

"Huh?"

"Just then. You almost said something else."

"No…you must be distracted by my _devastatingly _hot bod or something, Grissom, because I most certainly did not!" she laughed nervously.

"Yeah, alright then. Are you hungry yet? You think your stomach can handle some food?"

"I would love some food, but can we just get a sandwich or something, I really don't want to go in anywhere," she said pointing to her head.

"We can do that."

--

Half an hour later and the pair were at a quaint little stand sitting at a picnic table waiting for their food. Sara was sporting her oversized 'Gil Grissom' tee and awesome new hat. Grissom was looking rather dashing in his new clothes as well.

"You know, Grissom, I think Greg might already have that shirt…in that same color too," she laughed.

"I still think it's ridiculous that _I _am the one wearing it." He didn't laugh.

"There was no chance that I was going to be wearing a hat that said I like giving blow jobs _and_ a lime green tee shirt that says 'Last Virgin in Vegas'. Absolutely no damn way, Grissom."

"I feel like _such_ a tourist," he said as he got up to retrieve their food.

When he sat down, Sara opened her bag of chips, took apart her sandwich and started putting the chips on it.

"What _are_ you doing, Sara?"

"I like to eat my sandwiches like this...with the chips on it."

He laughed at that.

"Are you making fun of me?"

"No, it's just… that's how I always eat _my _sandwiches," he shrugged.

'_Oh, sweet Jesus, we're perfect for each other and you made him gay!'_ she thought as she silently cursed God and bit into her sandwich while Grissom began 'making' his own. '_I could learn about bones. I'll glue every damn bowtie the man has. Chains and whips? I'll beat his old ass silly if that's what he's into.'_

"What do you want to do next?"

"I thought you had everything planned out, Grissom."

"Sara, I thought I had a very fun, very enjoyable date planned out. Like you said though, we had vomit, suckers, missing hair, near mace, coffee and explicit novelty wear. I _really _don't want to plan anything else as far as this date goes."

"Oh, come on, Griss, it hasn't been _that_ bad." She was lying for his prides sake. In all reality it was honestly the worst date she had ever been on and that included that time her foster-grandfather showed up on her first date when she was thirteen because he was on his way to the store and he couldn't quite remember if she needed tampons that week or the week after. But Grissom was trying and who was she to complain? She was getting all she had ever wanted from the man, just one chance.

"It _has _been that bad, Sara. Good thing I had no intentions on sleeping with you tonight. With the way things are going, I'd probably slip and break my damn hip. Or yours. Hell, probably both!"

--

After the EMTs were positive that Sara's airway was clear and that she'd be okay, and they assured Grissom that, no, he could not die from embarrassment, they packed up and left.

Sara sat on the tables outside to make a phone call while Grissom went inside to pay the bill and explain to the owners what was going on, and that he and Sara weren't going to sue.

"Catherine's phone, God speaking. Hows may I direct your call?"

"Greg?"

"God. Sara?"

"Ugh...God, let me talk to Catherine."

"You are…you oh." Greg snickered.

"What?"

"You're is gonna hate her!"

"Why?" Sara had a pretty bad feeling about this.

"You're on a date!" he yelled.

"No, I'm on a case, Greg. Remember?"

"Nu-uh. Catherine says you didn't never asked if he liked the guys and you're date, um, datie…" she heard a thud.

"Greg?"

"…"

"Greg?! Are you there Gr- uh...God?"

"…"

"Where the hell did you go?"

"Hello?"

"Cath?"

"Sara?" Catherine slurred out.

"Yes."

"Oh, my godedness youse are gonna be soooo mad at me!" she laughed.

"I've heard."

"God tell you?"

"Sure did! What the hell, Catherine?! What happened to '_I'm not that big of a bitch'_? You weren't supposed to tell anyone!"

"Okay, first of all…the yelling is juss gonna haves to quit, you big ol buzz kill you. Third, is it third? Fourth of all, don't worries about it. We gots thems babies of Greg's!"

"You tell 'God' or whoever the hell he is when he gets up off of the floor that I will torch those things in a friggin heartbeat if he says anything to anyone about me and Grissom."

"Will do, Your Soberness," and she hung up.

'_Life hates me.'_ Sara thought. The only things that could actually make the night better would be for her to be abducted by aliens or to just be whacked by the mob...something along those lines.

"Who was that?"

"Jeez, Grissom, you scared me!" she clutched her chest...Grissom paid special attention to that fact.

"Sorry. The owners are satisfied that we won't sue."

"That's great."

"Yeah." He was glad she wasn't bringing up what he had said to her. Like he seriously needed reminding.

"So…"

"I don't care what we do," he said truthfully.

"Well everyone is over at Good Times…Greg thinks he's God…that could be worthwhile," she suggested.

"Drunk Greg is _always_ worthwhile."

'_Screw it just ask him!'_ she thought. "Grissom, are you…um...are you-"

"Am I what?"

"Um, nothing."

"You sure? You've had something to ask me for the last two days."

She sighed, "Maybe later."

"Alright," he nodded.

--

About an hour later, Grissom and Sara arrived in front of Good Times. On the way, Sara explained to Grissom that no one knew they were on a date, that everyone thought they were on a case and he was completely understanding. They called ahead to let Catherine know to meet them outside.

"OH MY GOD!" She fell to her knees laughing at the pair.

"Hey, Grissom, I think Catherine likes your shirt," Sara smirked.

"Really? It couldn't be your hat by any chance?"

An elbow to his ribs got rid of the smug look on his face and they all walked into the bar where they were greeted by everyone in, pretty much, the same way that Catherine had greeted them.

"Well, the only person I don't see is Hodges. Where's he at?" Sara asked.

"Sara, you are _not_ going to hit him," Grissom warned.

"No, I was just _asking,_ Mom. Jeez, why does everyone think that every time I ask about Hodges, that it's because I want to hit him?"

"Probably because every time you ask about Hodges, it's because you want to hit him," Nick laughed. "He's in the potty."

"Sara...your hat a suggestion?" Greg waggled his whole face suggestively at her.

She hit him upside the back of the head. "Not for you!"

Catherine drunkenly dragged Sara to the ladies room while Grissom was subjected to questions about just why a case would get so out of hand that Sara would be missing hair and he would become the unofficial 'Last Virgin in Vegas.'

--

"You didn't asked hims yet?"

"_You_ sure don't need any more alcohol tonight, Cath."

"S'fine…youse asks hims yet?"

"No," Sara sighed.

"Had betters."

"Why?"

"We alls wants to knows, Sara." she said in a 'duh!' voice.

"Everyone already thinks they know, Catherine."

"But doesn't Sara want to know?"

"I'm Sara," Sara told her.

"Who?"

"God, you're drunk."

"Greg's out there," Catherine laughed.

"What?"

"God…Greg is there." She pointed at the door.

"I'll ask before we all leave…I just have to work up the nerve."

"Tequila will gives ya all the nerves youse needs!" Catherine yelled as she stumbled out the bathroom door and back towards the bar.

Sara went to the table were Greg/God, Nick, Hodges, Warrick, Bobby, Archie, Grissom and Catherine now were. Catherine set a shot down in front of everyone.

"Whoo!" Catherine yelled.

Everyone repeated and downed their shots.

Greg decided that it was time to talk again, "So…Sara…hows…everything…in…your…date?"

Sara looked up to the ceiling. "Whoever, I don't care whichever one of you gods, just one of you please help me get through tonight without maiming or killing Greg. Going to prison isn't really on my list of fun things to do for the day."

"Why would you want to kill Greg?" Archie asked.

"He doesn't know hows to shuts it up. Right, Sara?" Warrick looked at her and winked.

Sara was mortified…Warrick knew?! She threw a look of death to Catherine whose only response was, "He puts out well." and a shrug.

Greg started up again "And…taking…gays…on…dates?" he pointed around the table "Now _that's _the way to be optimistic!"

"Greg, or God, or whoever the hell you are…if you don't shut up…I'll burn those porn stars." Sara took the cards out of her purse and waived them in front of Greg. Grissom reached over and grabbed them.

"What are these?" he looked shocked to see Sara with such a thing.

"Those are NOT mine! Those are Greg's, I stole them from him."

"Cuz you're gays!" Bobby slurred out.

Grissom looked confused. "Who is gay?"

"You, ya big fairy!" Hodges yelled…it is _never_ wise to mix alcohol and a possible concussion from a 'door'.

"What?!" he looked at Sara.

"We all know it Bugsmanas and we stills loves it…I means you," Nick said.

"But not in _that_ way!" Bobby warned.

"I don't cares if you likes guys…I gots a…something…a cousin! Yeah, he is one cools gay guy, Griss. I'll give you his numbers," Archie offered.

"Sara, I swear I have no clue what these people are talking about!" Grissom said as realization hit.

"I might," she said quietly

"What?"

"I said…I might."

"What are you talking about?!"

She broke. "Screw it! Grissom are you gay?"

"What?! Hell no I'm not GAY! Where did that come from?!"

"Well, you never asked me out or did anything but avoid me. You went out with Terri Miller and you hooked up with the leather chick and don't even get me started on that scum sucking _whore _Sofia! I told everyone that you weren't gay but Nick and Greg pointed out that you went to the…"

'_Here we go with that mile a minute stuff again'_ he thought as everyone looked on with wide eyes at her motor mouth as it took, what would normally be a five minute conversation, and turned it into a 2.5 second one. "SARA!" he yelled, but it was no use.

"…dominatrix place after the guys were discovered and everyone thinks you're gay because I never asked to find out and tell them any different. But I really don't think that you are gay because if you are then that really just means that I am the absolute _worst_ judge of character _ever_. I said that you weren't gay and Catherine agreed with me but I gotta tell you, Griss, I'm really starting to wonder!"

"Sara, I'm not gay, just..."

"Slow in the head?" Catherine supplied.

"Let's go with that." He grabbed Sara up and kissed her as passionately as he could. When he broke it off, he said, "Sara, really, I'm not gay."

"I kinda caught that," she said with a mile wide grin and then jumped on him, kissing him again.

"Ew, seein' that makes me need more alco...beer," Hodges said. On his way past Catherine to the bar, his drunken concussion got the best of him. "Catherine...whats do you say to me, youse and a goats farm?"

Catherine's right hook was his answer. She pointed to his passed out body on the floor "Someone get his wallet...asshole's payin' for my new nails."

--

For the next two hours, everyone sat around drinking or horribly singing karaoke while Grissom and Sara non-gay made out in the non-gay corner of the non-gay bar because Grissom wasn't gay! They would've gone elsewhere -wink wink-, but they were the only sober ones in the group so they called a cab for those who wouldn't fit into Grissom's car with them.

Greg decided that they had all had enough and announced that it was time to head home. Apparently though he had missed out on the entire previous conversation.

"So, Grissom…you likes the guys huh?"

"I'm not gay, Greg!" Grissom yelled as he pointed to Sara who, quite happily, had her lips attached to his neck.

"Sure," he said unbelievingly "Poser."

"Just for that, Greg, you realize that you are _never_ getting those cards back right?"

"And juts why the halls not?"

"I'll make you a deal…for every decomp you do, you get two cards back."

"Buts that's likes eighty eleven cards!" Greg protested.

"That's right, Greg, and you didn't even count the jokers."

"Awww…" he whined as he made his way out to Grissom's car mumbling something about 'stupid virgins' and his 'sweet Jersey.'

* * *

Yeah, I think 8 will do... I have _never_ had so much fun writing something in my entire life! You guys all rock super hardcore! Yay for you!

Reviews my lovely loyals...reviews!

thegreatbluespoon---I think after writing this, I'm due for a CAT scan.


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